|Добавлено: Ср Сен 19, 2012 12:43 pm Заголовок сообщения: being a lady. It is all about attitude
|A Conversation for The Forum
Since you may have heard, on October 16th 2003 the Chap Combined held a "day of action" working in london, where they committed various acts of common showing courtesy on an unsuspecting metropolitan public. The concept intrigued me, precisely what would the Guide have to say is "Gentlemanly" conduct? I am adding speechmarks, as I do not want to exclude Ladies with the discussion of modern manners. I might guess we are most familiar with the idea of the Gentleman in connection with Edwardian and Victorian novels, as a character who doesn't exist nowadays, but is this neccessarily the case? Have we changed as a culture, or perhaps do they still exist in a diverse form? My tuppenthworth is as adheres to; a Gentleman (or Gentlewoman) must show: * Courtesy to others, holding doors, holding heavy bags etc. 3 . Respect for self and then for others, not treating everyone as an inferior, but making any difference irrelavent. Equally, they must not feel "one down" to anyone else. * Charity without sermonising, the true secret is always to help the unfortunate, to not make them feel inferior regarding needing help in the first place. Exactly what do the Guide researchers consider to be the Qualities of a Gentleman? Or do they feel the notion to be outmoded, if so what has changed it?
When I hear the phrase 'gentleman' I usually think of Brian Jackson. After he died, content I heard most from folks that knew him were he never made assumptions about or said a bad thing regarding anyone, that he was usually well turned-out, and that he was generally courteous and respectful to help others. I also heard them said that he answered every single letter which was sent to your pet,www.shoppingmulberryoutlet.com, and that must have been a large task, particularly during the Analyze season. I'm inclined to think it, since I once authored to him care of the particular Oval commentary box and got *two* replies - one to say that will he'd lost my page but found the SAE we included (he sent me a sheet of commentary team autographs in lieu which I still), and the second a few days later on to reply to my original notification which he subsequently found. I've truly also heard it mentioned (by someone who was old-school higher class and went to public school in the 1920s/30s) that a girl is someone who is never *un*intentionally irritating.
In NIBBS' post one thing actually stuck out to me. I would personally guess we are most informed about the idea of the Gentleman connected with Edwardian and Victorian novels, as a individuality who doesn't exist any more, but is this neccessarily the case? Have we changed as a culture, or perhaps do they still exist in a distinct form? I have had some examples with the items people might call gentlemanly do in my life. My grandmother was an NCO in the affiliate marketer, never left the house unshaven in addition to without a clean shirt with. The Methodist Minister who was a new Sunday School teacher as well as Boys Brigade leader, always mannerly and patient. Look at Bob Major, always well turned out, got to the top through diligence, cricket loving and well verbal. The most high profile native involving Smethwick I know of. Its home town. Yet just like people other men I see to examples of good behaviour he has his seemier side too. Actually ignoring the fact that being a tory, which usually in my book is the equvalent of selling a person's soul to the devil, they was a worker for the egotistical murdering capitalist coven that flows the planet, there is still the fact he committed wanton adultery plus embarresed his wife in a very public way. Not only that he was a lying hypocrite who tried to leave family values down everybody elses throats. Of all the people I have got to know even amongst the models who I have greatly respected for their good qualities, mannerly behaviour and the effort they put into being well introduced I have not known a single one that did not have feet of clay surfaces. Infact the people I respect most are the ones who are willing to say that their faults and not rely on or hide behind the front of a nice suit. Certainly we have come to a point where by Michale Frente put it, "straight teeth in your teeth are more important than the text that come out of it." Where by politicians tell us about how these people intend to get everyone conducting better while they hide their own crimes and misdemeanours. Outward demonstrates of wealth have become more valuable than the health of our small children, while the amount we expend on designer clothes and completely new cars spirals the amount spent on involving children in sport plummets. Royal sleaze did not suddenly come into daily life when the tabloids started splashing this across the front pages. The functional classes did not produce several fish wives and drunk wife beaters after the Jerry Springer show commenced. Both of these examples not subject how bad the actions involved are GOOD examples because they show us how men and women can really behave. The Guy collective who did their particular "protest" in London and the great majority people, I would guess, are absent the point a little. Its grow to be just a turn of term but "honour amongst theives" is a perfect instance of how we are shocked simply by any sort of good behaviour by anyone, but those we have seen as "toffs", another good example is actually "poor but honest". Why is the "BUT" in there are the people who coin that will phrase amazed that anybody not in tailor made attire and who doesnt have a second home in the country might be able to react honourably? The fact is that a great deal of Gentlemen in the Victorian and Edwardian period were no deiiferent of their nature to you and I. No worse and no better. Each time a beggars asks "Can you spare anychange make sure you?" do we want them removed from our streets or do we point out to our children that he or she has been polite because they said be sure to? Most often we are impolite and easily ignore them. I actually such as NIBBS' suggestions for courteous, "gentlemanly" behavior,mulberry handbags, nevertheless it makes me really furious when people assume that epolple in wonderful suits, who speak "proper" in addition to know which spoon is designed for soup are some how inately much more gentlemanly than anyone else.
BlickyBadger, i agree, apparel sense and turnout have nothing related (or with not) being a lady. It is all about attitude, courtesy, adding the other first out of politeness and consideration that people needs are at least the same with ones own. I personally keep such conduct as a goal to which I aspire, i'm sure I am a long way short. Now so often these days, an offer with help is seen as a criticism involving weakness. The idea that someone will help you because they can see of which 2 people would make work easier than 1 doesn't seem to arise. I helped single parents with propel chairs get them up and down long flights of stairs with everyone looking at me removed out. Similarly helping individuals on trains with heavy baggage. But also not pushing and shoving to be initially on the train or shuttle, generally not pushing oneself to the forefront and pushing your existence in the face of other people. Quiet consideration, but of which went out the window in the 1980's really, modern lad culture and also soforth. I actually had a friends sweetheart look surprised when I went her home for the pup and, purely out of behavior, ensured I was walking on the outside of the pavement nearest the path.
Just a wee point. My wife and i do try to be as well mannered as we can, always helping by using pushchairs and heavy bags and keeping doors and picking up individuals dropped change (AND passing on back to them, I accelerate to add) and if we have no spare change, saying 'I'm remorseful, I haven't got any change' as opposed to ignoring people (I know homeless people and beggars appreciate this. They enjoy to know they are still man in other people's eyes although they don't get fifty s). However, while it is considered mildly eccentric but charming that i can be polite (I am women) my poor (male) lover finds a lot of people regard your pet with deep suspicion. As he offered to help a lady along with her pushchair the other day, she mentioned "NO!" as if he'd wanted to steal the baby. When the woman saw he was with me, she apologised and we both aided her. Similarly, if I view a kid fall down in the park My partner and i run over and see if I can help and find Mum or Dad etc. In the event partner and I are in concert we both run and guide. But he says if he or she is alone he wouldn't care approach a child, even a injure one, for fear of the parents lynching him for a suspected paedophile. My own point being, the media has lead us to believe many males, especially youngish unaccompanied ones, are not able to possibly be anything but dangerous potential predators or innovators. Trying to be a gentleman becomes a very thankless and trying undertaking under the circumstances. So when the simple truth is some chap carefully minding his very own business as you struggle previous with eighteen bags connected with shopping and four swing opportunities to get through, it may well end up being because some terrified half-wit screamed the place down last time he attempted to offer assistance. 99% of men usually are decent chaps but aren't in a position to be because the gutter touch and sensationalising news reports as well as general hysterics have trained him or her into maintaining strict not caring. I think it would be for the best when these chaps put their best brave hats on and shut off in the world determined to be man and though it might be tough to begin with, together we can change the globe etc etc . Anything to prove your tabloids wrong.
Good point - but there's also the trouble with ultra-feminists. They are certainly not terrified, oh no, but agressively going to cope on their own. I've seen this type of behaviour, where men have been thoroughly and loudly, around no uncertain words, shared with off for offering his or her help. 'I CAN MANAGE!No A pity, I think. On the list of women on the next allee had left her purse on the seat. They had been paid to some tables near by to enjoy some food, but I couldn't see this. I picked up a handbag and asked other peole with me if they had seen the spot that the other people had gone the next thing I knew this woman was snatching the handbag beyond my hand. Is there a word with regard to partly emabarraseed and partly irritated? Maybe if Id are actually wearing a tweed three peice suit and looked much more respectable she would have taken the actions in the spirit in which they were intended.
I think perhaps the problem with embangry lady is that the woman knew darn well she'd done something silly and therefore she was very privileged you found it rather than Mr Handbag Thief. People will not be brought up to be grateful, in fact, I know many otherwise completely decent people who feel very resentful when circumstances require those to be grateful. Embarrassment as well as anger with the person which makes them feel embarrassed are common enough allergic reactions. I think some parents generate their children feel guilty to get needing help and/or things, and the like make their children feel the community owes them, so any indication that they need to be a wee bit more clever and careful massively injuries their god-like but brittle satisfaction. I'd like to assure you that not all people are like that though. Me to begin with. When I left my cellphone on a cafe table the man at the next table pursued me half-way down the street with it inspite of needing a walking adhere and I was so grateful I went back to the cafe along with him and bought him some sort of lemonade.
Hello all, Just replies. It is good to read I am not saying alone in holding gates (and being glared at suspiciously for it). As Blickybadger points out, it isn't dress or tone of voice. "One of natural gentlemen" is a phrase I observed describe my Grandfather, who had previously been a Building site foreman, plus would never call a spade a spade if they could swear at it as an alternative. Right action is the important thing. However, people do evaluate from appearances. I have seen both parties, having been a Punk around my past, and now a respectable gentleman in a suit. My criteria and actions didn't switch, but how they were received do. I am obviously respectable, making it less suspicious for me to be polite. The most flagrant liars I have found have all looked respectable, nevertheless put a tie on and you really are obviously a sound fellow. Perhaps it is laziness which is the cause of the "bad behaviour" we are all decrying, it staying easier to "look after number one" and end up forgetting all others, than it is to consider the best way life might be incrementally more suitable for all concerned with a bit of believed. Expedience, or "business efficiency" as it is called is usually lauded, so the people who is able to do the unthinkable succeed. With a commensurate "little death" in civil life for each and every action taken. Treat people like you expect them to be bad guys, and those who are only find it quicker to hide. A Gated Community only makes the resident more susceptible from their isolation from the many their neighbourhood. I suppose the following, unlike many "political" things, is something we can do something about now. And we don't need a demo to go available an just be "Gentle" to people. We do not need special kit, in addition to what's more we don't need an justification.
Hmmmm. What is a gentleman? 1 Someone who makes others lives less difficult? 2 Someone who is professional and polite? 3 Someone who abides traditional guidelines of chivialry? 4 Someone who appears to be like the part? I frequently try to be 1 without 2, 3 or 4. I don't think there are anyone who would call us a gentleman by any strech in the imagination, but then i'm not sure I must be one. I know whatever you mean by the criminalisation of the fresh male people. I have a tendancy to speak to strangers and normally will be recieved quite well - though I've noticed a tendancy amoung young women (and this is a tendancy not a rule) to own screaming for the hills if I show that I've registered the existance. I think you should hold any door if there's someone directly behind you and I feel that you should most definately tell someone if they have got left a bag behind (another person managed to stop me abandoning a return ticket to liverpool behind and I am very greatfull, I wouldn't want to make people feel bad in relation to letting me know these materials for the world) but undoubtedly some things like walking on the outside of a street are a little outdated? *Takes cover* On a side note I'm seeing a few names I don't recognise from the community forum, nice to see new individuals wondering by
Greetings all, and thank you, His Nibbs, for any invitation. I've been posting while in the Peer Review section. It is really lamentable that some people who switch themselves out well, can be so disappointing in their demeanour. Basically had a beer-belly and tattoos, I would fit comfortably in any biker-bar on the globe. I don't mind being named 'fool'. Steven is my given label. The 'foolish mortal' bit is an excellent machine for me, to keep my Leonine moi in check. There's a part of myself, at some level of my personal psyche, which is an Aristocrat. It occurs to me that every human intellect has an Aristocrat in there, somewhere. My joy in dealing with people requires connecting with the quiet Aristocrat. (A blatant ones are easily enough avoided. I'd like to think that this can be my only prejudice.) The protocols of cultured behaviour have taken a beating in all places. There's so very little trust, so much suspicion and fearfulness, and an overwhelming amount of self-centredness relevant. It's miserable that a well-meant gallant touch can be construed as, claim, a sexual advance. At a workplace 'sexual harassment' seminars I attended, it was said that even keeping eye-contact too long (a few seconds) is Bad. Sheesh. Gimme a break. It can be a real problem to assuage the nervous temperaments.
Head of the family Chesterfield once said "A Gentleman should not cause pain." If that's them, it's easier than I assumed it would ever be. I would imagine most of us bumble along without creating pain (real or dreamed) pretty much all of the time. Unless it's a gnomic incitement to think of the nth degree consequences of our actions. "If I buy the final cake, someone else will be annoyed that they didn't get it." and so by degrees many of us arrive at pain being brought on. but then life becomes not possible, any decision paralysed whilst a sense of the pain it will cause is usually calculated. Which is an nth stage repercussion in itself. I was reading the sunday paper on business strategy earlier (I know, down these necessarily mean streets a man must head out) which lauded the which means expedience I was having a go during yesterday. It recommended choosing consultants to do the unpleasant stuff to employees, and so the Manager could keep his hands and fingers clean. This is surely additional offensive than being rude in itself, hiding behind a new hireling to do an unpleasant task for an individual. Would the Gentleman-Manager do the less evil, in such a way as to maintain gentlemanly standards and yet still find the advantage of the lesser malignant itself?
Which did more damage to "gentlemanly" conduct - the particular 60-70s or the 80s? Well I had say the 60-70s didn't help * getting rid of stifling social exhibitions was good but the baby got thrown out with the bathwater. However real killer was this 80s (TBW) -greed and consumerism were all that will mattered and anything that got in the way, like caring for other people only agreed to be for weaklings and failures. I'd personally say caring about as well as helping others are the essence of gentility (nice gender unspecific concept for those of you who care about might be found), but a little common showing courtesy doesn't do any harm.
I love think of myself as a gentlewoman. And also - are you kiddin? - I like it when people open doorways or help me carry elements. I live in Seville, which is constantly filled with tourists. And where I reside, in the old centre with town, the streets can be a labyrinth. So I constantly find lost tourists frantically trying to puzzle out where they are on their atlases and I always help them out. I always think is rather nice of me! But sometimes people both don't want or don't get pleasure from my help. This makes me personally feel bad and a bit afraid about offering to help another lost tourist I discover. And possibly if I were a man I would hesitate to help them in any respect lest they thought I'd been trying to rob them. illinois